Do you ever give your friends pep talks that are really for yourself? Happens to me all the time. The other night I was having a chat with a particularly conflicted friend. She's in love with this guy who doesn't treat her well, and she can't break out of it. He strings her along because he can. I think he knows the likelihood of getting a better deal than the one he's got with this girl is slim to none, but he won't commit
, and it makes the gal miserable. Finally, I insisted that she take his phone number out of her cell phone, and because of those straws breaking the camel's back in his recent behavior, she did. I'm proud of her.
On this score, though, I don't think I'll be taking my own advice by removing a certain gentleman (term used very loosely) from my phone. But the reason is, I want to be able to screen my calls! I think I'm finally at the place where I can see his number come up and not really care. Want the latest dish?
Without divulging too much, let's just say that the man in question (and of course, it's the same one as always-- I can't have y'all thinking that I consistently go out with jerks and losers-- I just have a problem moving on is all), is only consistent in disappointing me. He asks me to get together, but keeps me waiting. He's always late. We make plans and he either cancels at the last minute or makes excuses for not showing up/calling/etc. Then, we we do go out, he can't let go of his blasted cell phone.
The other night, he was upset with me. He accused me of being "cold" to him in public-- of only being nice to him when we're alone. I was surprised initially... I think if this happened early in our relationship it would have only been a side effect of me trying to not smother him. And now, I think it's true-- not because I'm ashamed of him or anything (should I be? that's a question for another blog) but because my resolve to not get sucked in to the same old pattern generally ebbs by the end of the night when we're alone.
Regardless, I also was upset and I even tried to put it in that chipper "I feel" language. You know, like when you say, "When you cancel our plans, are late, or text people when we're together, it makes me feel like you don't value our time." He insists that he does. But then he asked me to watch a movie with him for the subsequent evening. I told him I'd be game, so long as certain criteria were met, ie
., he came over to my house, it wasn't too late, etc. I'm trying to set some healthy boundaries here. Except as I drove home from the gym last night, I got a text asking me what I was doing and telling me that he was having dinner with some other people. That text came in right around 7. He didn't call to tell me that he was busy until around 11, I think. I was up, but I didn't answer the phone. I'd long earlier made other plans (even if those plans were just to finish up a nice, suspense-filled novel). I can't count on Mr. Man to be anything but unreliable. But I'm not taking him out of my phone, because I don't want to be caught off guard.
Here's the change I AM making-- from here on out, I must insist that my dates are actual dates and not just hanging out. My old roommie
and I were talking about it last night. She said that girls who do this may spend a few extra nights at home (heck, I don't need a man to go out! but you get what we're saying), but in the end, it'll be worth it. She said the Bishop of her singles' ward said that it was ridiculous that people even need to have DTRs
(Define The Relationship talks) because if they'd just date the way they were supposed to from the beginning, there'd
never be a question. True, right? From here on out, I expect for men who want to spend time with me to make plans in advance, and follow through. I'm not going to keep settling for being treated like a second-class citizen, and chances are that if they don't ask early, I won't be available. Kudos to Aaron for asking me to the ballet three weeks in advance... what a nice boy!
Anyway, that's that.