16, Clumsy and Shy

OK, so this is why Ive resisted the blogging charms of times pastI mostly still feel weird about this. I mean, who wants to read my random garbage? Still, if you really are interested in a stream-of-consciousness, here you go. Just dont hold it against me or tip off the tabloids someday, ok? Especially because this is almost like a rite-of-passage, so dont judge too harshly.

Today Im dealing with some anger. I always worry about owning up to being angry about anything. Im actually a pretty happy person most of the time, and once a friend asked me, So, do you still hate your dad? It was the most shocking thing ever, because no! Ive never hated my dad. There were years when we butted heads a lot (I think its natural when you are just like someone) but my pops is my number-one fan and Im his. The whole thing made me realize that I wasnt really communicating clearly. Or worse, this friend was tapping into a different part of me and helping me realize I was more upset than Id own up to.

Regardless, I should preface this by saying that Im not throwing myself off a bridge or anything. Im just rather annoyed. And who gets to take the brunt of my criticism today? Inconsiderate people.

This is the story: Last week I was working in Utah County, taking care of sundry DVD responsibilities. However, while I was there I made a fun little purchase2 tickets to see Children of Eden at the Scera. Except that seems to have been a big mistake, because I really should have only bought one. I mean, I go to the movies by myself all the time. When I eat out, its generally alone. Heck, I even vacation alone (D.C., Chicago, etc.). Talking to a friend last night we established that I might be a little too independent for my own good.

Anyway, being that I havent lost my childlike optimism (how can I when I take Flintstones vitamins and love Disneyland more than most 8-year-olds?) I invited a friend to come along to the show with me. For the sake of the story, well call him Brick-Stupid Dave, (Seans nickname for this guy) or BSD. To make a long story short, I initially called him Saturday, and didnt get his lame message telling me he had a prior-obligation until WEDNESDAY night. Um, hello?! If he had a prior obligation, logic tells us he could have told me that before days of phone tag. I think he just didnt want to go, which would have been ok. If he didnt want to go, it wouldnt have broken my heart (it hasnt now) but I find it highly annoying that BSD would be so inconsiderate to wait so long to tell me. Honestly. Now Im in a lurch. Who could I even take now? In fact, now, for the sake of pride and principle, Ill likely go alone. So there.

But getting to the anger portion, Im happy to say its evolving, and Im getting over it rather quickly (as I usually do). My first thought upon receiving BSDs message was, Well, Im glad I just spent an hour and a half at the gym and that I could probably kick BSDs ass. Actually, the next time I see him Ill probably punch him in the face. But Ive moved on. I think hes lame, and I doubt Ill invite him to anything again (shame on me for trusting him as this is far from the first time BSD has acted like this), but what do you do? If youre me, you get back to the gym (in case the opportunity does come up to throw the smack down at some point), get back to practicing your harmonica for next weeks class, get back to reupholstering the chair you found dumpster-diving, and go to a play on Saturday night with or without companionship.

Dont call me bittercelebrate with me. Im the best company of all at this point, and Im ok with it. No, better than that. I'm happy with it.