By Way of Explanation

So I promise I didn't fall off the face of the earth. When was the last time I posted something? Late last week, right? For most people, this is not out of the norm. But as my fans have begged for my verbosity again, I'm pleased to accommodate. You know how it goes. Sometimes you have to get out and live a bit so you have something to write about. Quite happily, my weekend has provided many wonderful subjects of which I plan to cover in the next few days. However, I may open it up for a vote so I know what everyone wants to read... Lou requested an update on the laptop, which I've yet to open, though I did find a kickin' Betsy Johnson bag for it. It's on my to-do list this afternoon. I know the Brothers Divett are waiting with bated breath for my analysis of their latest show, with all the notes on the shocking "Dead Mary" performance. Van Time Girls are looking for an update on my love life, which I'm considering titling, "How the Elders Quorum President Gave Me A Hickey." Others just want me to spill my guts and secrets in any way possible. Anyway, I'm sure I will get to them all, but if you've got a request, by all means...
And for those of you who just like to hear what random madness is going on in my brain, I'll throw you a bone. Sometimes people just find me in a corner laughing to myself. The two stories I keep chuckling about involve a couple of my favorite girls.
1) HOW NOT TO DEAL WITH THE POOR: Once upon a time, I worked with the fabulous Summer. Summy was the queen of singing songs for days at a time. Her favorites quickly became my favorites, likely due to overexposure alone. Were it not for Sum, I'd never would have even bothered to see "Wicked," but when I did hit a matinee in London a bit later (starring Idina Menzel, thank you very much), I found myself singing along to "Popular," "I'm Not that Girl," and "Defying Gravity." I think of Summer every time Fiona Apple's "Extraordinary Machine" pops up on my iPod, and when I hear that elevator classic, "Always Something There to Remind Me" (though, thanks to a viral video, we'd always sing "Always Sentimental Remind Me"). On one special day, Summer's song of choice wasn't so much of a song as it was a line from a song. Over and over again, she'd bust out with "Even though you ain't got money, I'm so in love with ya honey." This wasn't a big deal, even if it did distract a bit whilst I was on the phone with news people. What makes this story charming is the fact that we worked in downtown Salt Lake City, in the heart of pan-handler and homeless district. Imagine Summer's shock when a homeless woman approached her on East Temple, SLC, asking for spare change. Without thinking, she started singing, "Even though you ain't got money..." before she realized what she'd done. She couldn't just not finish the song, so she fished out a dollar from her wallet as she sang the "I'm so in love with ya honey." Sum thinks the lady was too drunk to notice, but she still feels horrified.
2) HOW NOT TO DEAL WITH THE DISABLED: The other story deals with my dear friend Melissa. One night, we took Trax downtown to the Delta Center to check out the circus. Amidst all the PETA protesters was the usual crowd of Downtown Salt Lakers... you know who I mean: families with 17 children, young couples on elaborate dates (where the girl probably did the asking, and in some obnoxious, "creative" way), and of course, the aforementioned homeless people. As we walked along South Temple, I heard Melissa's sharp intake of breath. "What's wrong?" I asked. I thought maybe someone had tried to steal her purse or one of the thousands of children had run into the street or that we were about to witness an alien invasion. She quietly pointed to a panhandler-- an amputee on crutches with a little pug dog on a leash. I don't remember if he was selling something or just asking for money, but I think Melissa gave him a dollar, and then quickly walked away. I wanted to know what the big deal was. She said she feels guilty every time she sees that man because once she passed him and decided to stoop down to pet his dog. Apparently the dog loved her, and tried to run after her as she left. Of course, the strong little puppy was still attached to the leash his one-legged owner was holding, andthe man completely fell over. And I know it's really insensitive, but the image kills me every time.
So anyway, here's hoping this will hold you over until I get to those requests. Watch out-- I'm a blogging machine!