Stuck on Repeat

The other day I started a fun little experiment. I dumped all my blog entries into a single Word document to see how long it was (a mere 300 pages or so). It gave me a little confidence that perhaps I am capable of having an original thought, and that now may be the time for me to settle in and write that book I'm always threatening to pen. In the name of research, I've been reading over said entries, and I've found some surprises. Amongst the more interesting discoveries:
1) I'm rarely as obvious as I think. Sometimes I feel the burn of shame when I think I've revealed too much. And if you're not a moron, I'd say you'd be able to piece things together rather simply. However, I'm happy to say there isn't as much cyber-over-sharing as I'd initially thought.
2) I am obsessed with the story of Andrew and the smokestack. Honestly. I apologize. I hadn't realized I basically mention it anytime Andrew comes up. I've still got about a year's worth of entries to read, and undoubtedly it's in there again. I know, I know. You get it. He's an environmental superhero. I will, in the future, try to focus more on some of his other amiable qualities. Five mentions so far is more than overkill on this story. Did I ever tell you about the time he posed half-nude for a friend studying art? Or about the time we were on a train together and he had the top bunk, came down in the middle of the night wearing only his underwear, descended using only his upper body strength and I thought he was an angel? Or what about the time I think he saw me naked in the bathtub at Asia Manowieczka's apartment in Warsaw? See, there's more to him that just the smokestack.
3) I am basically the same as always. I even had an entry enumerating all the ways, but I like the way I absorb things quickly, and then they become such integral parts of my personality and lifestyle that they seem to always have existed. Case in point: My use of the redundant "plus also" came from my KUL roommate Lisa. But I say it all the time. Because the blogging happened post-Poland, it seems like I've been saying it since 3rd grade. Seriously, for all the self-improvement I tend to engage in, I am Rachel Sego. I'm not stagnant or static, but I am a bit settled. How I laugh as I read again the great tragedy of the David Debacle I thought was a relationship, and how I returned to it like a dog to its vomit (how I love those scriptural cliches!). I don't know how many times I've promised to name my daughters Jemima and Elaine Fairchild, but chances are you already knew all this. I am consistent in my over-the-top declarations, from last year's "P.S. I love Ray Foote" to the recent gushing about Brennan's orange pants. Neither sentiment was insincere, of course, but I laugh when I think of the caricature I'm evolving into.
4) It has been a little shocking to see and understand (with hindsight, of course) how some of the darkest and saddest times of my life were tied to people and events that should have brought me happiness. It was good to become more aware-- here's hoping I avoid those mistakes in the future. Remember how miserable I was when I thought I was "in love?" The clarity of that revelation is at once shocking and soul-shaking, but it helps me to remember I'm worth more than I'd originally thought, and that sincere as my hope and affection were, both were shallow. I think the whole thing has crystallized at least the things love is not. And let's not forget...
5) I am so funny! Or, truthfully, I'm blessed with one funny situation after another to write about. I don't pretend to be nearly as creative as my legit writer friends. Take Brandon Mull, for example. Brandon is the author of the "Fablehaven" series, and they are brilliant. I honestly don't know how he comes up with his cool stories and manages to layer intrigue upon intrigue in a way that leaves me shaking after I close his books. Such is not my gift. I'm purely a gossip and an attention hound who doesn't mind airing a little dirty laundry here and there in the name of mild scandal. While I'd love to write some great work of fiction, the biography of Izabela Czartoryska Lubomirska, poetry like my great-grandfather or a column like Dave Barry, I'm glad to have found my voice and my forum. And don't think I won't try those other media-- it's just a matter of time before I'm spouting off on smokestacks elsewhere.