Pinchers of Power and Bully Blinders

Ever wish you had, in your own circle of friends, an equivalent to Data from "The Goonies?" I do. Particularly when I need something snappy invented. This morning, I was "face-stalking" some of my new "friends" on Facebook-- some girls who were good enough to accept my friend requests without really knowing me. Not that I have any subversive plans for them, unless you count checking in on girls I've never met to try to recruit them back to Relief Society.... Anyway, I was scrolling through hundreds of pictures of these girls, and came to a few conclusions: 1) I'm glad I was never in a sorority (they have to own so many outfits!). 2) There are some things you just don't want to know about people (like what kind of underwear they wear, because they love to take pictures of themselves in the near-nude). And 3) Someone has to perfect Data's Dad's invention from the end of "The Goonies"-- the camera belt.
Think about it. Have you ever taken a look at most of those MySpace and Facebook pictures people post? And don't worry, I know I'm guilty too. But even worse than the mirror shots (and I'm talking about the one where they take a picture of the image in the mirror, not the ones where they use a mirror to get a look at themselves in a viewfinder) are the arm-out, face close-ups. One here and there doesn't bother me, but in viewing 481 pictures of this one particular girl, I felt I'd best recognize her (were she to ever show up at church) by looking up her nose. Apparently, she is the designated photographer in all these shots. Maybe she has the longest arms, I don't know. But photo after photo features her pursing her lips with her face smashed up against one of her friends, and you totally end up with a nostril shot.
I kept thinking to myself, Brianna needs a camera belt. Then, when she and her friends wanted to gather 'round for another identical shot (with the exception of whatever the sorority required them to wear for that particular formal/kegger/kegger-masking-as-a-service-project) and there was no one around willing to act as their own Tom Ford or Annie Leibovitz, then Bri could strap on the belt, extend the camera far enough back to encompass her entire posse, and high enough that we could see, say, her eyes. I know what you're thinking-- how 'bout a tripod? But that won't fit into one of those teeny sorority clutches.
So right now, I'm looking for a Data. Fortunately, there is already a Chunk in my life, half a dozen Mikey's, one Stef and a couple Mouths. I don't really identify so much with Andy, but she was my designated part one Halloween (I forgot and dressed up as Scarlett O'Hara instead) and there are a couple good front-runners for Brand. Heck, I've even got Troy and Rosalita covered! But Data, where are you? Stop setting booty traps and save us from a world of bad social network pictures. That's what I said!