I'm Coming Down with Something

No, it's not my typical way to post something in the middle of the night. And ok, 12:45 a.m. isn't really the middle, but it is for me. I generally don't have computer access at this time of day, nor would I have much to say, unless it's me talking in my sleep (which I'm actually famous for). Generally, if I were up at this time itching to write, it would be because I've just kissed some new boy or something, and I'm bouncing off the walls. Or maybe it's because I've woken up with some new business idea. I remember when I first started painting trash cans, I couldn't sleep. It's amazing what excites me.
But that's not the case. I'm just dog- and house-sitting. On my way home from my friend's concert tonight, I felt gross, and in a way I couldn't put my finger on at first. I thought perhaps I was (am) hungry because I last ate something at 2 this afternoon and even then it was meager. Then I thought I had to sneeze, which I did, but there wasn't that post-sneeze relief one normally has. It's like my arms feel wrong-- when I hugged a long-lost friend who I'd once planned on having as a long-term sister, my arms felt empty. And yes, she's a little girl, but it felt like hugging your great-aunt Myrtle who has dementia and lives in an assisted-living center and you've never met her before. You want to communicate love, but you're afraid one of you will break. Then I thought I needed to throw up, but that's not right either. It's kind of a hollow-ness.
Part of it is thinking about how I wish I were doing something in my life worthy of having a cheering section.
Part of it was thinking about the conversation I had with my parents before they left on vacation. My dad told me about their wills and life-insurance policies and where to find all the important documents. It was weird and scary, because, unlike my siblings, I don't have anyone else. Even at nearly 28, I'm like the only child now. And I feel safe at my parents', except when I think about what I'd ever do if something did happen to them.
Maybe it was standing awkwardly next to people from various groups once my core friends left this evening. Everyone was congenial, but I felt like a trespasser.
So I think it's just a case of the lonelies. But I got it bad.