Burnin' Down the House

Right now, the smoke alarm at my parents' house is going off. Big time. I don't think I've set it off before, because I think I'd remember it. I went outside to call my mom and tell her, and it was ringing out through the neighborhood. I can't believe how loud it is. What's worse, is I can't believe none of the neighbors have even popped their heads out their front doors to see if I'm OK. I doubt the house will burn down (though the brownies which spilled over in the oven might be ruined), but I'm guessing the smoke inhalation isn't super for me. Darn you, Ina Garten, and your Barefoot Contessa Brownies! Darn you, cousin's wife for making me come to a stupid Mary Kay party and bring food out of guilt because my poor sister-in-law got suckered into hosting it instead of me! Darn you boy who was supposed to come over tonight to get me out of the Mary Kay party, but who thought it was on Saturday and is coming down tomorrow instead, who I was hoping to impress with my domestic goddess skills. On the topic of settling, here's hoping he's doesn't mind settling for a girl who nearly sets fire to a house while baking... Aren't there some points to be awarded for the fact I was doing it for him? Likely not.
So for all you folks who think I've crossed over to the bitter side (which I haven't), I will say this: I spoke with another engaged male friend yesterday, and talked to him about my theory, and about my feelings. His take on it? I'm right. But still, it was comforting. Because in the case of the girl he was previously in love with (and what's more, completely infatuated with) vs. the girl he will marry next month, it's abundantly clear that he's getting a better deal with the current fiancee. In the spirit of full disclosure, I've never met either girl, but girl number 2 seems like such a better catch... she's so well-rounded. What's more, my friend just seems more peaceful with the new fiancee as opposed to the last one. The way he put it is he might not have picked his current fiancee if he had a choice of every woman in the world to marry, but that doesn't mean he doesn't love her, nor does that mean he doesn't want to make a life with her. It sounds reasonable.
OK-- there was a pause at this point in the blog, because my mom's oven literally had flames in it (so much for using the self-cleaning feature). I'm coughing and I'm embarrassed, but things are under control. The fire department is gone now.
I will say this-- I'd rather be alone for eternity than married to some of the men I know.... The ones who treat you like you're stupid and call you a hypochondriac because you call the fire department when there are flames coming out of your oven. That's not even the right term, moron! I'm not an alarmist.
I will say this-- my parents are wonderful. They didn't even care that I nearly set the house on fire. But I feel awful. My sister's dog won't come back in the house because she's scared, and I can't seem to comfort her. I can't even babysit a dog effectively! I am definitely unfit for motherhood. Maybe I'm only fit to be a journalist, because who else would be so reckless as to document tragedy from the front lines, even when it's happening to them?