Another moment on the road less traveled

I had a really interesting experience the other night. I was talking with the erstwhile love of my life about some things he’s been going through. In all fairness to him, I’d never disclose them, but I will say this-- I was quite surprised to find how much a) I related to him and b) he reminds me of another special person in my life. Here’s the problem, though: Regarding item b, I learned quite a while ago that I wouldn’t be able to help that person until he could help himself. And I realized that little lost love boy really falls into that same category. But the more interesting thing than that was finding how clearly seeing his issues may have neutralized my feelings for the man.
OK, ok. I know what you are thinking-- how awful! She’s abandoning this man in his hour of need. Not at all. I’m willing to do nearly anything if it will help him with his specific problems. But the clarity that came from that conversation made me realize that he’s not what I need in the boyfriend department. Not because he’s "broken" or "beyond repair"-- I mean, aren’t we all in some ways? But just because we’re not right. Not together. We both knew it a long time ago, but I think we all know how comforting it can be to keep up appearances, especially when it validates our feelings of self-worth.
I also realize this makes me atypical of my gender in that I, fortunately, have learned at an early age that you can’t change people and they aren’t always going to take your side. Unlike a lot of women, I’m not looking for a "project." More like a work in progress.
Anyway, I feel strangely ok about all this. The guilt was temporary, but I really realized I’m just going to be so much more help to this man as a friend. I can’t complain about that.