Shh... Lean in a little closer

And now, I'm having a really good time.
Well, mostly. You know your life is tricky when you have to be careful about what you post on a public space. I used to have no secrets. Now I have tons. They're not as scandalous as people might think, but I have them. And the worst part is the way people act when they try to guess my secrets. They might guess what happened, but not my motivation. For example, I'll tell you a secret. The other night, whilst watching a movie, I held hands with two boys at once. One of them was my so-called date, a platonic friend I'd walk to the ends of the earth for. We're buddies. We cuddled on my couch and he held my hand and stroked my hair, and then jokingly tried to smother me with one of my throw pillows. Pretty typical evening, I'd say. But underneath the pile of blankets, my other friend secretly held my hand at the same time. And I didn't let go.
What does all this mean? Is my former roomie right, saying that it's just because I love adoration? Is my best friend right, telling me I should have not held hands with either of them? Am I acting out from loneliness, trying to fill the hole in my heart that may close up, but will never be the same? I'm not sure. I can't really get my head around it. But do you want to know another secret? Right now, I'm not worrying about the implications. Not the girl who hates me because she's convinced I'm out to destroy her social life. Not the confusion that will inevitably come. I only worry about how all this (and believe me, all THIS involves a lot more than hand-holding and a rogue game of spin-the-bottle) is going to affect the lives of those 7 boys I kiss(ed). But even the worry isn't enough to void the spring in my step or the smile on my face.