Annie waits for the last time (just the same as the last time)
I was all set to write something happy this morning. I wanted to focus on all the beautiful things in my life. But I still can't.
Thanks to all of you for your care and concern. It is certainly strengthening to hear that there are a lot of people out there concerned about my well-being and happiness. The prayers are what are getting me through, though I still feel like I'm hanging by a thread. This morning when I got on Facebook, I noticed that Ray deleted our friendship. It just about sent me over the edge... in a real way. I can't believe how much this is hurting me. It's not even that he doesn't want me as his girlfriend. It's that he doesn't want to acknowledge my existence. I don't know how I can love him so much and he can hate me with the same ardor.
And while I also, in a very small way, appreciate that so many people are willing to go to bat for me, let's still make this about me and not about him, ok? I think the way it went down was horrible and I still have to fight nearly every moment to not go off and do something drastic or dramatic, but all this ill-will toward him isn't doing any of us any good. It hurts me to think that he meant to act that way. I still can't believe he did it with malicious intent. I can almost guarantee that he ISN'T reading this anymore, just because I've seen him cut himself off from someone else. I hate that he'll nurse that ill-will in his heart until the thought of me makes him so angry that he'll say something about how he hopes I'm suffering. If he's already to that point, he's got his wish. Getting out of bed is a struggle. And you all may think that I'm a first-class idiot, but I'd do ANYTHING to fix it. Anything to have him back, even as a friend. Especially as a friend. I can barely breathe without him.
posted by Rachel @ 7:20 AM
3 Comments
3 Comments:
He deleted you on facebook? That doesn't sound like a bad thing to me. Actually I think that's better behavior than keeping you as a friend. If he did that you would always think there's a chance and you'd obsess and stuff. Breakups suck. And the only way through is to let go, ya know? I'm pretty sure he doesn't hate you, but he knows it's not going to work out and he's not going to put you through a long time of thinking it might.
Though I know that it's really easy to get upset about that stuff. Another dude was interested in my wife about the time we stated dating. She totally shot him down and chose me, crushing his self esteem, though he kept hanging on to the idea that we might break up and she'd take his trash back. After we got married he unfriended her and she was all offended and hurt.
Dude, sometimes you can't be friends, and it's better not to try.
Another thing you should consider is that as you have been thinking and thinking about the situation, you have started constructing in your mind an idea of what he's thinking and feeling, and it's totally not going to be accurate. Now it sort of seems like you are reacting to a straw man you've created and put his face on.
Also, you keep commenting that he's clearly not going to be reading the blog any more. But it's clear to any intelligent person that that comment and many others are intended for him and you think he is reading it. Actually my wife did the same thing on her blog when we had broken up. It's funny looking back, but it was serious at the time.
I hope I don't sound too critical in these comments. Just trying to share a little from my wide experience in breakups and my new perspective being married. If someone had told me or her this stuff we probably would have disregarded it at the time, but it turns out it was right.
The only think I care about in this situation is the happiness of my friend Rachel. Screw Ray and anyone else who gets in the way of that. But I think you will need to let go before you can be happy.
Good luck. I'm rooting for ya.
Rach, it is official. There are many sources that have checked this out for you. Ray deleted his facebook as a whole. He is no longer friends with everyone he previously was on facebook. Hope that helps a little bit!
Post a Comment
Subscribe to Post Comments [Atom]
<< Home