The Reunion Run-Down

OK. So, apparently just announcing the winner wasn't quite enough so here are a few thoughts from my recent contest.
First, thanks to all the fellas who participated. I got a real kick out of your applications. Some of my favorite things:

* Not ONE of my would-be bachelors were of the Medieval Club persuasion. Thank goodness.
* My friend Eric Otto describing his hair color as "a subtle red with a hint of burnt orange," and answering "True" to "I kiss on a first date" with the disclaimer "This has never happened, but I am open to it." Of course, Eric and I have already had a first date-- Preference, the most magical night of my life. Also, he was DQ'd because his app came in late, but it was amazing.
* Another shout-out to Eric, because I loved his essay (can you tell he was my close 2nd?). I couldn't do it justice to summarize, so for your reading pleasure:

I'm extremely clever and witty, have a good heart, and even though I'm a 28 year old man I pretty much stopped maturing after the mission, so I'll be very fun and adventurous (that being said, I was more mature than your average BYU guy at age 11, so take it for what it's worth, I might still be too curmudgeonly for you). We've already been to a dance together, so there won't be any of that first date awkwardness. I'll be polite with your friends, but I'm rarely impressed with resumes so I won't grovel like an idiot if you have a classmate who is a doctor or something. I'm also very likable. I can guarantee that your friends will love me. I'm good-looking in an approachable way, and usually am able to instantly garner street-cred with guys, which counts for a lot.

But in the end, how could I not choose Jake? In addition to the deliciousness of being "wooed" by LDS Pop Culture's Reigning King (because let's be honest, Reuben, these guys are WAY funnier than TAMN, who has lost her subtlety), there's something most-excellent about selecting a pseudonym instead of a legitimate option. Why go safe? No, go big, or go home. Or in my case, go to the reunion.

In light of "Jake's" anonymity, I'll not post the picture he sent (because it's just his hand, but I'd hate for someone to recognize it), but his answers to Questions 3 and 5 were spot-on. Here is a selection from his essay:

You should go on a date with me, Jake from Confessions from a Mormon Bachelor Pad, in lieu of the many other men who will no doubt apply for said honor. I decided putting a period at the end of that sentence is sufficient. I’m not going to explain why you should take me to the reunion. You know I should be your date regardless of the event. Fighting destiny is the stuff of cheesy Chicago songs Rachel. It’s not the silly kind of thing one expects from us. Besides, you know full well that in addition to making you laugh and making you feel like the only woman worthy of any amount of adoration on this earth, I will also tactfully bypass your “arms only” rule in a manner respectful and comfortable enough that when I am done, you will actually feel good about your naughty (yet somehow still in line with the law of chastity) step into the unknown. Shall we continue this charade any further? Dost thou really need me to expound the many nuances that make up our love. Joking about what we have will tear a hole in my heart through which you may see little angels weeping. I mean, if you look hard enough you might see angels, because angels are mostly transparent… apparently… so they’re not that easy to see. You might even need to be gifted like that kid in “Angels And The Outfield” that grew up to be the guy that does it with Zooey Deschanel in “(500) Days of Summer” to be able to see the angels. So, rather than spend my remaining 226 words offering a riveting dissertation explaining why we belong together and proving what you already know, that there is no other choice. I have written you a poem. I wrote it all by myself without the inspiration of any bands circa 1969-1978 that were named after that food stuff which is often sliced and has peanut butter and Jelly spread upon it together creating the heralded “PB&J”. So, without further ado, here it is, my poem that I just made up off the top of my head.If a picture paints a thousand words then can’t I paint you?The words will never show the you I’ve come to know.If a face could launch a thousand ships, then where am I to go?There’s no one home but you. You’re all that’s left me too.And when my love for life is running dry, you come and pour yourself on me.If a man could be two places at one time, I’d be with you.Tomorrow and today beside you all the way.If the world should stop revolving, spinning slowly down to die, I’d spend the end with you.And when the world was through, then one by one the stars would all go out.Then you and I would simply fly away.This is the end of my essay with words totaling 500

Anyway, I've never listened to Bread. It was the Zooey Deschanel reference that won me over. Because I like boys who go to arty movies.

But now, the obvious question: What will Rachel do? How in the world can she solve the reunion problem when her winner is Fake Jake from Salt Lake? (Oh, I'm so, so, clever, I'm falling off my desk chair laughing!)

The solution actually was rather simple. My friend Wesley and his wife Jari are also attending the reunion. They'd not purchased their tickets yet. They are buying my couple ticket, and I got a single.

Of course, if my new "love" Jake were to make the 650 mile trip this weekend, I'd honor the agreement and buy him a ticket in (which, by the way, would be full-price, and would defeat the original purpose of buying the on-sale couple ticket) and we'd win over many of my fans in person. I'm giving him an easy-out because it's simply in my nature to be kind and generous, and in the spirit of the holiday season, it would be a shame to be an enforcer.

So congratulations Jake! This is your chance to be added to my dating lists. And thanks to all my other boyfriends. xoxoxo