Albuquerque: Hot or Not?

Friday some friends and I went to Albuquerque The Magazine's "Hot Singles Party." Major thanks to Brad King for the comp tickets-- the night was really fun, but I'm not sure I'd have had the nerve to go without the free ticket.

Let's be honest-- the driving force in me wanting to go (which I have for several years now) is to find out just what kind of people are willing to pay 30 bucks to go to a party labeled "Hot Singles." I mean, you've gotta wonder, are these truly hot people? People who wish they were hot? People desperate to hook up with a hottie? People who think they're hot but they are far from it?

The answer is all of the above. I'm not gonna lie, there were some very nice looking folks there, especially the men. And believe me, there were plenty of men. As in way more men than women. But there were also a lot of passable old men who thought they were pretty tough looking for women with low self-esteem. If I'd not got in for free, the people-watching alone probably would have made the ticket price worth it, though the sheer nerve of some of these folks was nauseating.

Hot: Great vendors. Props to Jade from Toni & Guy for the great manicure, the folks from Massage Envy for the long chair massage (even though I typically don't like people touching me), ABC Cakes for the Lady Gagas (delicious, and super-generous with the leftovers), and my personal favorite, Dennis "DC" Chavez, the coolest silhouette cutter outside of Disneyland. Talked to DC, and his rates for parties are incredibly reasonable. I'm thinking booking him for wedding receptions, because he's super cool, even though you might want to ask him to keep his language a little more church-friendly if you're going that way. Incidentally, DC can marry you, because he's a licensed officiant. He'll also announce your fight, tell some jokes ("Blonds have more fun but Chicanos get it done") and keep you in stitches. Props, DC, props.

Not: Wished the Henna Tattoo people would have been there as promised. Could have used a few more vendors, because you know Albs has more going on than just massages and manis. Oh, and I wasn't super-impressed with the palm-reader. I felt she was pretty hit-or-miss, though I'm an admitted skeptic. She told me I was shy in crowds. Fail. I've realized I'm not really shy, though I'm sometimes fragile. But that's in more intimate groups. Still, good on her for recognizing my psychic ability. Wink-wink.

Hot: The random boy we met who did card tricks. Boy, I saw you take down my blog addy, so I hope you appreciate the shout-out. Glad you're here, bringing a little southern charm to our humble city. Best of luck at Sandia, perhaps we'll see you at the DB sometime (I think there's a group of my friends going Saturday night) and with that girl you were with. She seemed nice, but it looks like she's more into you than vice-versa. Just so you know.

Not: The dear little gal who followed us around a lot. She was really nice, but if she called someone a hood-rat one more time that night, I thought I'd scream.

Hot: The roasted broccoli. Yummy.

Not: Old people who should have just acted normal and partook of the roasted broccoli and left good enough alone. Friends, you were out of your league. I'm talking to you, 65-year-old woman with glitter on her chest. Less is more, and the only glitter you should have should be from your craft projects. I'm talking to you Purple Paul with the fake French thing going on. I know you were probably intoxicated, but you were ridiculous. Also, get some new friends. I'm talking to you County Commissioner Michael C. Wiener. I know you were cleared of those sexual harassment charges, but honestly, get a PR person who will tell you not to show up at an event commenting on women's T&A, and all around acting like a dirt-bag. I almost hesitate to use your name because heaven knows you must have a google alert on yourself and will congratulate yourself on any publicity. And your friend? Glad he's a surgeon, but no one is really that impressed. Yes, you Sean.

Finally, confidential to the skirt-hiker-upper in red: Girl, your outfit was short enough, and no one will buy the cow if they can get the milk for free.