A Patch of Blue

It's been a while since I've said anything scandalous, and I have a reputation to uphold.

The problem is, you have to be sensitive to people's privacy, and, of course, this is a family-friendly zone. I don't want to end up with a bunch of sick-o followers. Still, some stories are just too good to not be shared.

First of all, I have a friend. Let's call him Jim. A few years ago, Jim got his uh-oh pierced, and for some reason or other, everyone in the world knew about it. Yuck! I don't know what possesses people to piece certain body parts, but Jim's a bit of an attention-seeker, so I'm guessing that was it. Anyway, last week I asked Jim if he could come over and help me with some light bulbs that burnt out in my dormer light (this thing is impossible to get to, and J is the only person willing to climb up at 16-ft. ladder and risk life and limb so my entry-way is well-lit). He said he couldn't, because he was having surgery. On what? I asked.

J: I don't want to talk about it.
Pause.
J: But let's just say it's not going to feel good having stitches is something that gets bigger and smaller.

BAHAHAHAHA!

There is, of course, more to this story, but I'm trying to keep things in the PG-range. Let's just say that between Jim and Congressman Weiner, there have been a lot of weenie jokes around the Sego household recently.

Also, because it's only fair that I poke fun at myself as well, I must admit I had a crazy dream last night. I'd rented a villa in Park City with this gun-toting fool I know from church. The thought of going on vacation with him is absolutely ridiculous, but that's a dream for you. Anyway, when we got there, it turned out there were several people we knew staying at this condo, including a couple of friends of mine who like to run around in little short, blue workout shorts (Air Force fellas, in case you didn't know). In real life a few weeks ago, I found these gents, shirtless, on the daybed in my bedroom, just for shock value. But in my dream, there they were, on another bed. Except one of them was wearing the shorts, and the other one... was stark naked! I, being the pure little girl that I am, only saw his backside in my dream, probably because I don't know what the front would look like, and EW. Anyway, I remember just shaking my head at these two, because they're so crazy, but then something FANTASTIC happened. Now, hang with me here... it's pretty innocent. I went into the bathroom and found their clothes on the floor. I picked them up because I hated the mess, but out of curiosity, I slipped one of the boys' pairs of pants on... and they were super loose! Talk about a REAL fantasy.