Prepare to be Jealous

Oh! My life is so funny! I can barely stand it! I woke up laughing and pretty much haven't stopped all morning.
So what is bringing me so much delight?
Well, actually, it started last night. I went to a Relief Society activity with my mom at the Valencia Ward (it's taking everything I have to not call it Enrichment, by the way). There was a white-elephant gift exchange. I actually didn't even have to supply my own gift. My mom found these UGLY soup mugs in the top of her closet, and she had no idea where they came from. They still had a TJ Maxx tag on them, so we suspect we weren't re-gifting. Anyway, I just had to wrap those puppies up, and guess who had the most sought-after gift of the night? Actually, it wasn't me. Someone had "Apples to Apples Jr." and some other board games. But plenty of ladies DID love those ugly mugs, and they got stolen so many times! It was fantastic. My mom or possibly Pam Ahlgrim ended up with arguably the worst gifts (no offense to the sisters who brought them). Mom got these horrible "Friendship" mugs (what's up with the mugs already-- for people who don't drink coffee, the Mormons sure like to pass the mugs around) that said things like "Best friends forever." Very 1980s kind of things, like you would have expected Sally Struthers to drink out of on "9 to 5." Oh! They were so awful! What made them so particularly funny was that they were encrusted with old, old dust. Not dust you just wipe off. Dust that's gotten wet or something, and then leaves this blackened residue at the bottom of the cup. They were AWFUL! I think Pam ended up with a half-used bottle of Skin-so-Soft. Ew, ew, ew! Nothing says "Merry Christmas, I'm a Cheapskate" like half-used toiletries. But it was super funny.
I actually ended up with a real fancy-pants prize. Not only did I receive some scented holiday soap (haven't smelled it yet, but at least the packaging was cute-- though I'm really not one of those girls obsessed with lotions and potions), but also I got a really *classy* pair of his-and-her watches. They were too, too funny. I said something about giving the man-watch to my future husband, so I think that's why no one stole the present from me (also, I was kind of hiding it under my chair the whole time because I didn't want the Avon-castoffs). Anyway, I've already actually promised the watch to my friend Josh, and when he visits in a few weeks, I'm going to parade him around whilst we wear our matching watches. Nothing would give me greater pleasure than stirring up the gossip in the Valencia Ward. Josh is supposed to get me a ring for Christmas. A ring-pop, that is. I told him I want a big rock. Way to deliver, moneybags. Hahahaha!
But I'm guessing what you're thinking right now-- funny, but not THAT funny. Am I right? Allow me to go on convincing you.
The next brilliant, happy and fun thing was waking up this morning. I had the BEST dreams ever. If you sleep on your side like I do, maybe you've had the beautiful opportunity to have a hand-holding dream. I seem to have them most often when my hand is kind of smashed under my head instead of under my pillow. The pressure on my hand fools my brain into dreaming about holding hands with someone. And it's not something you can replicate. It just happens. I LOVE hand-holding dreams! In my dream, I was walking around with this bloke, and I think I wanted him to hold my hand, so I awkwardly kept bumping into him and swinging my left arm to give him the hint. He laughed because I was being such a dork, but then we walked through the Albuquerque Bio Park hand in hand. And then I had to go talk to Morrissey, because he was playing a concert at some big arena, but throwing a fit because he hates NM, and I had to calm him down. But it was great. I woke up to my alarm and thought, "Oh no! It was just getting good!" but I noticed my hand was asleep, and I was super pleased.
Then on the way to work, I listened to Jackie, Tony and Donnie on the Peak. They were calling out the name of the "You Shop with our Money" person who had to call back within 10 minutes, but they wasted a ton of time discussing how to pronounce "Nicole Midgett." HAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHA! She didn't call back, by the way. Poor Nicole. I really did want to know if she pronounced it like the less-than-politically-correct term used to legitimately describe at least three men I've been out with. Something about it set me off laughing like a hyena, and I've not been able to stop.
Now, if you are looking for a more accessible laugh that doesn't have the "guess you had to be there" vibe, check out my friend Brecken's post. You'll be glad you did. Nothing like a good birthday-suit story to start off the day just right.
Or, if you have a little more time, have a look at this. Animal reminds me so much of Brennan Divett.
And speaking of the Divetts, Avenge Apollo is playing tonight. Looking for something to do? They've got an album-launch party at Amped Performance Space tonight. Tickets are $5 and all proceeds go to the Roadrunner Food Bank. I don't know if I'm gonna be able to make it, because I've got some other stuff going on, but you won't be disappointed in their show. Especially if they play "Apologies," which is my all-time favorite. Not so funny, but uber-cool. Love, love people with social causes.
OK. I'm off to save the insulation world. If you see me dancing around like a maniac somewhere this weekend, it's just because life is sweet. And I'm probably still laughing about something.