Annie waits for the last time (just the same as the last time)
I was all set to write something happy this morning. I wanted to focus on all the beautiful things in my life. But I still can't.
Thanks to all of you for your care and concern. It is certainly strengthening to hear that there are a lot of people out there concerned about my well-being and happiness. The prayers are what are getting me through, though I still feel like I'm hanging by a thread. This morning when I got on Facebook, I noticed that Ray deleted our friendship. It just about sent me over the edge... in a real way. I can't believe how much this is hurting me. It's not even that he doesn't want me as his girlfriend. It's that he doesn't want to acknowledge my existence. I don't know how I can love him so much and he can hate me with the same ardor.
And while I also, in a very small way, appreciate that so many people are willing to go to bat for me, let's still make this about me and not about him, ok? I think the way it went down was horrible and I still have to fight nearly every moment to not go off and do something drastic or dramatic, but all this ill-will toward him isn't doing any of us any good. It hurts me to think that he meant to act that way. I still can't believe he did it with malicious intent. I can almost guarantee that he ISN'T reading this anymore, just because I've seen him cut himself off from someone else. I hate that he'll nurse that ill-will in his heart until the thought of me makes him so angry that he'll say something about how he hopes I'm suffering. If he's already to that point, he's got his wish. Getting out of bed is a struggle. And you all may think that I'm a first-class idiot, but I'd do ANYTHING to fix it. Anything to have him back, even as a friend. Especially as a friend. I can barely breathe without him.